The exhilarating rush of dopamine that floods in when someone utters those magical words—"That's amazing," "You're doing great," "This looks fantastic," "You write so brilliantly"—or in the language of the Z-age, "Yaass Queen," "You're spitting," "Preach preacher," and my personal favorite, "You ate!"—has an intoxicating effect. It's like being on cloud nine, floating in a sea of praise and adulation. Even though the phrase "You ate" may seem unconventional, it brings a unique and delightful sense of affirmation, especially when used as a compliment for looking good. In those moments, I feel an indescribable euphoria that nobody can take away from me.
These colloquialisms of validation have unfortunately become a burden, and if we're not careful, they can hinder our creativity. We start measuring ourselves based on the limitations imposed by this curse. Often, we find ourselves trapped in this curse through internal pressures, feeling compelled to constantly post on social media platforms, such as status updates, stories, tweets, and Facebook feeds, solely to boost our self-worth and seek validation from others. We become preoccupied with the number of views, clicks, and likes, all in pursuit of that dopamine-fueled high that validation brings.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that belongs to a group of neurotransmitters/hormones commonly known as SAND (Serotonin, Adrenaline, Norepinephrine, Dopamine). These chemicals play a significant role in our emotional experiences and overall well-being. Dopamine, in particular, is often referred to as the "feel-good" hormone because it is involved in generating a sense of reward and pleasure.
Dopamine influences various activities that can evoke excitement and pleasure, such as receiving validation, engaging in sexual experiences, shopping, or encountering the enticing aroma of freshly baked cookies or cake (yum!). These experiences may sound familiar and can sometimes be associated with some of our indulgent behaviors or vices.
Dopamine is indeed a crucial and beneficial hormone, but imbalances in its levels can have profound effects on our mental and emotional well-being. Both excess and deficiency of dopamine can contribute to various negative symptoms and conditions. When dopamine levels are disrupted, it can lead to depression, anger, aggression, heightened competitiveness, ADHD, low self-esteem, impulsivity, disorganization, and in severe cases, disorders like schizophrenia, eating disorders, mood disorders, and gastrointestinal issues, among others.
The curse of validation can be a slippery slope that exacerbates these imbalances. When we become overly reliant on external validation and constantly seek the dopamine rush associated with it, we risk losing sight of our true selves.
This relentless pursuit of validation can drive us deeper into the wormhole, exacerbating existing mental health challenges and potentially triggering new ones.
When I launched my Substack, I had several goals in mind, with one significant objective being the creation of a community where I could share my knowledge on various topics, intertwined with philosophy, psychology, and spirituality. I aimed to explore how these disciplines relate to practical applications of life's principles. After reading Malcolm Gladwell's book "David and Goliath" and writing my first review titled "The Unfair Advantage," I found myself falling prey to the enchantment of the curse of Validation. It was as if I had been swept away by a spell, leaving me to grapple with its effects.
Suddenly, the pursuit of validation became a focal point, overshadowing my original intentions. I began fixating on the number of subscribers, likes, and comments, seeking that instant gratification of external validation. This shift in focus threatened to distort my true purpose and dilute the genuine connections I sought to build within the community.
Over the past two weeks, I embarked on a journey of introspection, peeling back the layers of my being. During this process, I made a profound realization—I had fallen under a spell that was cast upon me a few years ago. At that time, I was writing prolifically, expressing my inspiration through a myriad of writings, poems, and poetry. I had amassed a treasure chest of scripts, a collection of my creative essence. However, one fateful day, after a heated argument with a friend, that friend cruelly took hold of my creations and set them ablaze. I stood there, witnessing my words transform into mere ashes, consumed by the flames. In that moment, I was engulfed by a whirlwind of rage, disappointment, and heartbreak. I chose to walk away, suppressing my emotions and locking away my words, unwittingly succumbing to the curse that was cast upon me.
From that point forward, every time I attempted to share my work, the trauma of that curse would resurface. I couldn't escape the nagging belief that nothing I created would ever be good enough. The hope and passion I once possessed for writing and publishing dissipated. However, in a parallel realm, I found solace in ghostwriting for others, proofreading remarkable publications, and crafting impactful communiqués. While these endeavors brought success and recognition, they were shielded under the cloak of anonymity, devoid of my own name.
But now, as I reflect upon my journey and unravel the effects of the curse, I realize that it's time to reclaim my voice and overcome the haunting memories that have held me back. I acknowledge the talent and skill I possess as a writer, nurtured by the experiences I've had and the growth I've undergone. It is time to step out of the shadows and embrace the courage to share my creations under my own name. I will no longer allow the past to dictate my future, for I am ready to break free from the confines of this curse and forge a path of creative fulfillment once again.
Re-Start
Launching #TheLichtiary was my bold attempt to transcend the shackles of the past and release the depths of my mind into the world, but to my dismay, it seemed that my work went unnoticed, unappreciated, and unrecognized. Overwhelmed and confused, I contemplated abandoning it all and consigning my creations to oblivion, convincing myself that since my name wasn't attached to #TheLichtiary, nobody would ever know. In the midst of this emotional turmoil, I had a revelation—a realization that positive quotes and videos, while comforting, are merely sympathetic gestures until one personally navigates through such challenging situations.
Furthermore, during my period of introspection and withdrawal, I stumbled upon a profound statement by Sarah Fay of Writers at Work that resonated deeply with me.
Not writing can easily slip into avoidance, which can bring on an acute case of procrastinationitis.
By embracing a mindset of authenticity and focusing on the intrinsic value of the content I create, I hope to overcome this curse and reestablish the sense of purpose that initially inspired me. It is a process of self-reflection, resilience, and rediscovery, reminding myself that the true magic lies not in external validation, but in the genuine connections forged through shared knowledge and meaningful interactions.
Under the spell of the curse, comparison became my constant companion, stealing away my joy. Procrastination and self-doubt plagued me as I admired the accomplishments of others while beating myself down, convinced that I could achieve just as much, if not better. But my dopamine levels plummeted whenever the validation I sought seemed elusive. Little did I realize that the Curse of Validation could take root internally, hindering my progress, until it manifested outwardly, blocking my path. Breaking free from this curse has been a transformative journey, where I now understand that true validation lies within, not solely in external measures. While the clicks, likes, notifications, and applause are nice, the ultimate validation comes from knowing that I have an audience of one—myself—and that my own approval matters above all. Everyone else is merely along for the ride on this journey of self-expression and growth.
Can you perceive yourself as being affected by the curse of Validation?
In freedom for expression,
Light!x